Like most people I grew up believing that home was the place where I spent my childhood. It was home. It was where my parents lived, including other family members. And I used to think that it was always going to be ‘my’ home. I couldn’t phantom calling another place my home.
It wasn’t until I raised my own family that I began to change how I viewed what home meant to me. I began to see that home was a concept. It was an idea that formed in your head about an area of your life. And if you were anything like me ( we moved – alot! lol) you had to adjust to a new home every so often. So by this time, I began to see that home was wherever my family was. I got used of the idea that my family (kids, hubby) was home for me.
But then it changed again.
My life began to shift again. My kids were growing up and leaving the home we had bought for our family. So now, the house is huge and not as loud as it once used to be. So for the past six months we’ve had to adjust. It’s not easy. At times it feels down right cruel. You work so hard on building a life and a home for your children and then they leave. Now it’s just the two of us in a big house.
So, after all this, I’ve had to adjust once more. And with this adjustment I’ve had to re-think my belief of what a home meant to me. Because it surely isn’t the same today as it was ten years ago or even thirty years ago. I never knew that such a word could change so dramatically with time. But it did. Today, as I look within, I have to say that home is wherever I am at any given moment. My home is not a solid structure with four walls with some windows. In fact, empty halls and stairwells do not equal what a home should feel like. The silence in the living room and dust that forms in a basement is just silence and dust. You see for me, life – real, breathing, living life is what home feels like. It speaks, it laughs, jokes, and shares ideas and information. So when it’s gone, you know IT’S GONE!
So today I have learned that home is a feeling, it is the raw emotions that you carry with you through life good or bad, thick or thin. It’s not four walls. You cannot place what a home is in one spot. A home is a concept. It is an idea that you formulate inside of your brain and it changes all the time.
Technically, I’ve had many homes. Some of them are no longer standing. But it is within me that I keep alive the memories I have of one place that I once called home that matters. Not the actual structure or even the town or city in where it once stood.
Home is inside of me.