A summer walk in the park/marina

The heart is a delicate matter. We want to follow it as much as we can. But so much of us are uncertain of where the road up ahead leads. Many of us want certainty. We want guarantees. We want some type of insurance policy that we won’t get hurt, lost or confused somewhere along the way. But the way I see it today, that only has us taking two steps back when those first two steps took us years to take.

How fun was that?

And all we did was delay a part of ourselves in learning and growth. True?

A winter sidewalk near my house

If you are a go-getter you might not be as interested in this blog, or maybe you could? But if you are a late bloomer, like myself, this might just be right up your alley.

“All in good time.” We’ve heard this term before, right? I try not to beat myself up too much these days over the grandiose of it all. I figure I’ll get there (wherever that is!) and I’ll even get there with time to spare. I’d rather see it this way then anything else. I can’t afford to see it any other way. I don’t know about you? And the other thing I’m learning is that there is no path to “there.” Wherever ‘there’ is that I am traveling to. I am creating my own road as I go. I have no guarantees. No insurance. But I have my heart. I have my instincts. I trust them. I have nothing else. I don’t want anything else.

Summer time

The next thing that I know is that I forge what I feel is right for me, again no path. Is it scary? Uh, compare to where I came from? Hardly.

If we learn to look at ourselves and say, ‘this is my life and I have to be happy with the end result.’ After all, you are trading your time for it. It isn’t your parents, spouse, children, boss, or co-workers that need to happy in the end – it’s you. People will not always agree with us about the choices we make, that’s fine. But every road we take at any time in our lives is there because of what we know at the time. I learned a long time ago not to beat myself up about a decision I made days ago. I can’t do nothing about it now. It’s done.

Do I hate what I’ve done? Absolutely not.

There is absolutely no point going down that road. It’s a detour, a delay. A stunt of growth and of learning. It robs you of the self love that you deserve, trust me I know. How does the saying go, “been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.” Of course, I threw that t-shirt in the garbage already, but you get my point.

So there is only one voice that should guide anyone – their OWN!

Today, I live by vibration. I pay attention to my own body’s vibration in any situation I’m in. You can call it instinct. It’s the same thing. It helps me every day.

We all make mistakes. It’s a part of learning. But we should never hate what we’ve done. We’ve all worked with a certain knowledge at any given time. When I learned this (some years back) I learned to walk tall. It gave me a certain height and took a weight from me that has had me dancing since.

But I was lucky. I had four people early in my life to teach me right from wrong. I saw the good and the bad in each one of them. I was a foster child as a kid, I’m not ashamed of that. It taught me a lot. I am who I am because of it.

I walked down many paths, been down a lot of roads. But I can’t bring myself to regret any of it. So I smile when I think of where I’ve been. It’s easier than crying. It’s lighter. I wouldn’t change a thing.

So was there a path? Heck no. It was all first hand stuff. But I grew. And I get to take those feelings with me wherever I go- feelings of love, happiness, humour, craziness, wildness, and everything else in between. No regrets.

And lastly, I can’t control how others see me. But I like to believe that I have done a pretty good job of it so far. So be it.

It’s been fun.

Thanks for reading!