I had the opportunity to speak to some people on the weekend about myself and what I stand for. I have to admit that it’s not always easy to get up in front of people and speak publicly but with time and practice, anyone can do it. I have to first say that all those assignments in education and programs that I have been involved in for the past twenty years really did come into play for me. I say that because almost every program I was in required a presentation where students to speak to an audience of people. I don’t have a problem with it as much as I did ten years ago.
So what did I discuss? Me. I spoke and told my story about who I am and how I got to be where I was today.
Essentially, I discussed my core values. What I believe in, what I’ve seen and know to be “my truth.” How I live my life today and what practices I follow to keep myself healthy. I spoke of how I got to be the person I am and who contributed to my journey as I knew it. Because honestly, anyone who tells you they got to where they were on their own is lying through their teeth. In my time, I’ve had tons of help, more help than I imagined I would when I began. And even when I began this journey over twenty-two years ago I was one of those people who absolutely, irrefutably refused any type of help. Why? Because I was smart. I knew what I needed. And no one was going to tell me what to do. But the moment I began to crumble under the weight of my issues in my life it started a domino effect the moment I asked for help. Of course it started slow in the beginning as my strength grew.
But as in life, we know things transpire that are not in our control. I found myself in new circumstances from 1997 to 1999 where four family members and one friend had died. I had just graduated from college in 1998 with a tremendous loss of family, how I completed my course I do not know? Sheer will? I was in a incredible amount of pain. But I kept going as I accepted a job in my hometown working with young children. At the time, my own children were no older than ten years old. I suppose you can say that I worked to see that they were okay and that they had what they needed. But another loss in 1999 would topple over me in a way that my whole being just could not fathom. It was suicide. I crumbled under it. Everything I believed in shook under the reality of what was the truth of my life. I cried many times thinking of my friend who had taken their life but to no avail.
I once again was at a point in my life where I would need to reach out once again for help. And so I did and it began a whole new journey again. It was a much different journey than my first. This time I headed for deep rooted issues within my life. Death, abandonment, abuses, alcoholism, depression, low self esteem issues…I dug for what I could find. Was it easy? Heck no. Was it worth it? Hell yes!! The journey it took me on was of health, strength, humility, bravery, courage and a strong foundation that I built underneath myself. Of course, this does not mean that I am ever powerful and mighty. I am human. I have my days. But all pain, any pain dissipates faster and faster within me today. I see reason. I have hope. And my core beliefs help me through every single moment of my life. Love, respect, honesty, truth, humility, bravery and courage. I will always learn. I will always have new experiences. I will have difficulties. I may stumble and even if I fall it doesn’t mean that I stay down as I used to. That isn’t me anything because I know the truth now, my truth about who I am.
My journey today may feel at times lonely because I have a tiny amount of people who walk my path with me, that’s okay. I have what I need and I don’t require much more. I take care of what I need now and let other moments take care of the rest. I remain true to who I am and what I stand for, which is self growth and the betterment of our home/our world. There are many ways we can all do this, we just have to start. I believe that determination will take you to places that you never thought possible and the people you’ll meet along the way are the perfect match for what you are looking for. And there’s no better time to start something different right now.