Awareness

I remember a time where I would let life consume me. All of my problems, all of my worries, and insecurities. It was the daily grind that I woke up to every day and I didn’t even know it. I was inundated with things and stuff to do. I gave no thought or time to myself.

Of course, I raised my four children and was busy in that way. So I know how difficult it is to make time. My version for making time was the last few hours before bedtime where I sat and watched some television. And even then I didn’t know that I was still not completely making time. I was still filling my senses with stuff other than what I could have been doing. I had no idea, absolutely no clue that I was doing this.

When I began to really working on my life I didn’t know where it would take me. I had no idea of what I was doing and it probably saved me a lot of grief in the long run. It was good that I went in not knowing anything. I held no expectations of an outcome and that probably helped me too. I had always a knack for learning and to me, it was sort of a haven. It felt safe. I didn’t turn to what other people were resulting in because I thought if I did, I’d compare my experience to them. So I went everything alone. I suppose alone is not really true since I had great teachers along the way. So I read, I researched, went through video libraries and joined groups with like minded people and I began to change. I became hungry for more knowledge because it felt good. But the other thing I started to do is slow down. And by this I began meditating.

I didn’t know the turn my life would take when I did this. And I didn’t know how occupied my mind was. Well, I can’t say that totally, I knew deep inside its just that I didn’t know what to do about it. So in the midst of it all, I saw a therapist because I thought by talking about my life would help. It did- for awhile. But it didn’t help my psychological self. So when I began meditating, it was as if my whole mind changed. I literally had no idea how this would change my life. I felt amazing! My mind would be still and quiet. And the best part of it was that I felt no worries about my life. Where once I would allow people to get to me by their behaviour, it wasn’t happening. In situations of rushes (work) I felt completely calm. I didn’t worry about whether I could catch up or not mess up something. It just didn’t bother me.

Today, I am grateful that I noticed enough to be responsible for how my life turned out.

Today, I am a vegetarian by choice. It was a conscious decision that I made a year ago and I love it. I have no regrets. There are still many people who don’t understand my journey and that is okay. My family supports me and frankly, it’s the best. As a bonus, my daughter has decided to became a vegetarian as well. And it was a decision she made on her own as well, so it’s been nice to watch her journey. I have no worries when it comes to her (because she lives so far away) because I know that she trusts herself to be okay. And if she needs help, I am there.

For me, it’s okay that I am the first person in my family to go on a journey like mine because I can be of assistance to them if they ever need me. And I’m constantly learning which I love. I am okay with saying that I don’t know something because I am humbled by everything every day. It’s like every day is a new day. Yesterday is gone. I learned what I could from it. Tomorrow has not arrived yet so I let it be, and I don’t worry. This is my life. Right now, right here.

Thank you for reading.

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