Reflections

doll-1312210-1280x1920I know the year isn’t over yet but I thought I’d write a blog about my year. It’s been a year of many firsts for me and I have to say that I learned a lot this year. I got to travel and took a two week vacation from home which to me is a big deal. Mind you I went to Toronto but still, it was time away. I seen the Arctic Monkeys live in concert and it was amazing. I’ll never forget it. I spent most of my time with my sweet daughter and that was the icing on the cake. I also went away to camp for five days in late summer and that was so refreshing. The fresh air, clean water, home cooked meals, outdoor campfires, awesome company, boat rides, and mosquitos (yes, mosquitos!) I was in heaven. There really is something about rejuvenating your self away from technology and gadgets to just spend time in the wild. It does the body good. And more so the camp I went to because it dealt with healing. So it was really a wonderful experience. And another thing I decided earlier in the year was that I would take the year off from dancing pow wow. So I went to only one gathering this year. And for someone who would go to at least five to sometimes a dozen pow wows a year, that is something. I wanted to re-collect myself. I wanted to figure out where I was going, where I was headed in life. You see I have come to a point in my life where that question popped up, “what are you doing in life and what would you like to do?” Because, honestly, I felt as if I wasn’t doing much. You know I have all this education in my background and I wasn’t moving toward any of it. I wasn’t using it. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I did. I just felt like I couldn’t narrow it down enough. You know I feel like society expects us to pick something we want to do in life and stick to it. And I…just couldn’t do it. So, it was just a chill year. I wanted to find me. Somewhere, somehow. And I got to experience some wonderful things, I met some wonderful people, I saw some awesome demonstrations of art, I watched a lot of documentaries, I listened to many lectures, and teachings and I reviewed a lot of different information. So with all this, was I satisfied? I have to say that I am very satisfied how the year turned out. It really opened my eyes to some profound findings. But what I really liked was not only am I able to see them, I am able to feel them. And I think feeling something is far more than seeing something. It’s another level. And I really appreciated how the things I was listening to began to sink in. I had many “ah-ha” moments this year. So in saying that, I want to share an experience with you. It happened to me at least three times this year, if not, more. I hope I can do it justice by writing it out and having you understand it. Anyway – here it goes. So the experiences were some days where I’d be sitting down or doing something busily and suddenly it would be as if I’d stop and notice myself in a way that I rarely do. And I can hear myself say, “whoa, is that me?” The experience lasts maybe ten seconds and then it’s gone. It could be like an out-of-body experience but I am totally lucid. I’m awake. I made a joke with my husband when I told him of my experiences and said, “I’m finally losing my mind.” We laughed. But he understood. And he told me that my growth as a person is at a peak. And that is me at a peak. I am able to experience an un-ordinary thing. And you know as a person, he is the one who see’s me all the time. He see’s what I do on a daily basis. The work I do on me. So it’s kind of neat to hear someone else’s perspective on me. I rarely ever think of myself in that sense. But he notices and that’s nice. I just wanted to share that piece. So my satisfaction with this year is all the beauty I got to witness everywhere I went. And did I figure it out? Where am I going? I just want to say that I have goals that I want to achieve and I have dreams of what I want in my days ahead. And you know, I think I began this year the way I did because of my age. I finally said to myself that I wasn’t getting younger and it was time for me to examine my life. I don’t know what lies ahead and I don’t wish to know (now.) And it doesn’t matter. I won’t let expectations of others take over my decisions. I’ll do what I want to do. What matters most is what I feel about how I am doing with my life. And I have tons to be grateful for and I am. My blessings are why I open my eyes each day. And I learn all the time, and I think learning is fun. I spend my days doing what I want (when I’m not at work) and I have fun doing it. And that is worth a million dollars and then some. I am rich beyond my wildest dreams. I have an able body, good eyes, health, an awesome family, good friends, a beautiful home, adorable pets, and great hobbies. I have me. That is all I need. Thanks for reading.

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